December 1, 2014

cue holiday season!

At 19 weeks and 2 days pregnant, I got in a car accident. My first rational thought was (well, after all the cuss words) a combination of “are they okay?” and “oh shit I’m pregnant.” After which I proceeded to hyperventilate for a second. Don’t worry, I’ve been checked out and so has baby, and we both seem fine. My anxiety level, however, is not testable. Pregnancy has been a pretty scary thing for me from the beginning. There is no ruler by which to measure my progress accurately. This is the human condition of “am I normal?” multiplied by the fact that another life depends on my ability to ascertain my own normality. I’m not really worried. I am pretty healthy and there are no signs that anything is wrong. I just feel like it’s important to verbalize that growing a baby is some scary shit. Everyone talks about the gross stuff, the fun stuff, the physical/hormonal stuff, but I haven’t heard anyone talk about how scary it is just to be an incubator.

On another (happier!) note, I’m doing a Runner’s World Run Streak- running a minimum of 1 mile a day from Thanksgiving to New Year’s. Yep. Running. Every day. Which means I have to put on running clothes and go either outside or to a treadmill every single day. To coincide with the streak, I’m planning to read “What I Talk About When I Talk About Running.” Apparently I’ve been super into memoirs lately, and I’m hoping that the combination of daily runs (even super short ones!) with hearing someone else’s thoughts on running will help this habit to stay a habit. They say it takes 21 days for a habit to form. Well, this streak is 36 days…

Pretty sure that’s all I have to say- I guess I need to figure out how to manage without a car for a while. Maybe I’ll just run to and from work?

November 21, 2014

super complainy

these days I am really struggling to keep in mind that I did, in fact, choose to marry my loving husband. and so, dear internet, it is time for me to force myself to be gushy and romantic. ahh, if only I had friends to have this chat with…

ok, let’s see. what do I respect about my life partner? he is handy, and he gets things done around the house quickly. he is artistic. he is generally flexible and amenable to my last minute plan changes. he expresses himself, probably better than I do; the man tells me he loves me about 80 times a day, and he misses me every time I walk out the door. he hates the cold like I do, and he likes (or at least tolerates) crappy TV in binge form. he has a good relationship with his family, and he’s working on a good relationship with my family. he has never been controlling or judgmental, and he respects my opinion on most things.

ok…much better. even though the man I will soon be raising a child with is an eternal man-child, he is helpful when he can be, he recognizes his own strengths, and he loves me for who I am. I guess I can tolerate him for a while longer.

November 17, 2014

Culinary genius and other bragging

You guys. Did you know you can make a smoothie with literally NOTHING BUT BANANA AND A CUP OF YOGURT?! AND it’s delicious. So now I have avoided wasting 2 bananas that were turning black and a cup of yogurt that I didn’t really like. Ha! I feel like I have defeated expiration dates and my taste buds, all in one go.

Also, little tip: if you need a self-esteem boost, tell people you’re pregnant. It apparently doesn’t matter if you are in mismatched clothes with cold sores, acne, and bags under your eyes with unwashed hair. When people find out I’m pregnant, they tell me how great I look. *note: this does not apply to mothers! Immediately after learning the fun “pregnancy means you automatically look great” trick, I saw my mom. First thing she says to me? “What’s going on with your face?”

Another perk of being knocked up is that every little accomplishment counts double. Which basically makes me an Olympic level runner.

Alright, I’m way too positive for a Monday- back to work (AKA reality!).

November 10, 2014

Mom-to-be’s Day Out

At 17 weeks, I’m still not pregnant enough to warrant a lot of attention from the public, and I’m pretty asymptomatic. The biggest external change I have notice thus far has been my social life. While I have never been an outgoing little butterfly, since my pregnancy has become public knowledge, my event invitations have decreased dramatically.

An out of town friend recently asked me (unprompted) about this change. While trying to figure out how to answer in a way that was witty and not self-pitying but still honest, I realized that most of my friendships to this point have been qualified somehow. I have/have had drinking friends, running friends, work friends, and school friends. As my friend pointed out, this classification system does make sense; most friendships have a common ground that brings people together initially. My question after this brief analysis is this: when does a friendship reach a point where it doesn’t need a qualifier? How much time do you spend with someone before they become just a “friend,” without any explanation attached? And how much overlap in the friendship setting does there need to be before an acquaintance is no longer boxed into one particular common interest area?

Obviously, I have not been getting out much, and I have too much time to sit around thinking about how I’m going to make “mom friends” in the future….

November 3, 2014

16 weeks sober

While I recognize that I am not good at consistently blogging, I also realize that my friends probably don’t want to hear me verbalize my thought process for any and all pregnancy related things (decisions, mostly, but also just musings and the like). With those two things in mind- back to the internet for talk therapy!

Being pregnant is tricky for me. I feel like there are a lot of things I should know already; I do, after all, have a degree in Early Childhood Education. However, I apparently slept through some crucial early development stuff. For instance- I don’t actually feel pregnant. It’s hard to be excited and work on getting ready for a baby when I don’t really feel any different.

One thing I did learn (from working in daycare for 6 years, not in school) is that I need to be looking for childcare. I know that most centers that accept infants fill up pretty quickly. What I don’t know is how to effectively begin my search. What do I say when I call these people? There is no script for that, and for the socially awkward mom-to-be that I am, it’s tough! (side note: I also hate calling doctor’s offices and the massage place, but at least I know what to say to them!) When is it too early to start calling/visiting? Are they going to think I’m a crazy helicopter mom (spoiler: I will be!)?

Here’s another thing- when do I need a prenatal massage instead of a regular massage? When do I need to go to prenatal yoga? I’m not really showing (and most of my “baby bump” is from carb loading), so it doesn’t feel right for me to be involved in all things prenatal yet. And yes, my massage and yoga choices are very stressful decisions at the moment. I don’t want to use growing a baby as an excuse to be unhealthy and lazy and uncomfortable.

And then there’s insurance- does it actually need to be the most complicated thing on the planet? I don’t even know when I will find out the gender of my baby because I’m not sure what/when/if my insurance pays.

On the bright side (yes, there’s a bright side!) I am blaming literally everything on the pregnancy. “Oops, I was late for work because of being pregnant.” “Oh, sorry I ate the last of the food- the baby was hungry!” “My clothes don’t match/hubby has to clean the bathroom/I’m canceling plans last minute because of pregnancy.” That part is fun. It’s mostly a joke, so hopefully no one will jump down my throat about it. Also, baby clothes are so damn cute!!

Alright- time to suck it up and call a daycare or four. Wish me luck!

January 2, 2014

New Year, same ole me

so i’ve been doing a lot of reading lately- not unusual, for me. i am naturally curious, and the internet means i can look up anything i want to know exactly as the whim strikes. what with it being new year season, i’m seeing a lot of stuff about…oh, all the myriad self improvement topics. i am in the “resolutions are unhealthy” school of thought, but it still got me thinking. i have acknowledged my generally unhealthy habits in the past- it may be time to revisit those. my financial management took a turn for the worse right before christmas, so that definitely needs some attention. also (back to my natural curiosity), i feel like i need to be learning something useful. this is partly due to an article that i read on the glorious abyss that is facebook. basically, the article stated that everyone is selfish and if you want people to want to spend time with you (or hire/date/whatever you), you must have some sort of value to offer. the author requested that readers name 5 impressive (which is a bit much!) things about themselves, none of them personality traits. i can’t. so, AND THIS IS NOT A RESOLUTION!! my goal is to work on identifying and developing my value to others. 

i have been moping about not having much of a social life for a while, and i agree with the author of the aforementioned article that everyone is ultimately selfish. i generally phrase my belief system differently, as people tend to get offended when you call them selfish. I  say that most people are just like two year olds. it is socially acceptable for two years old children to do whatever they want-they’re still learning. what they (and we) learn, however, is how to do whatever we want in a way that doesn’t cause trouble. and that is my slightly skewed, very changeable, view of the world. now, to specifics: what do i have to offer??

i am a good cook, and i know a good bit about healthy, plant based eating. maybe i could take a cooking class or actually go to a veggie potluck?

i am good with languages. i am not taking spanish any more (you have to actually practice!! ah!), but my knack for languages is a thing that may be useful.

i’m (gulp) good with personal finance. or i was until the holidays, and i’m getting back on track. i started taking an MBA class, but i’m more interested in real life personal finance than company stuff. and investing is for the birds- that shit doesn’t make sense. however, regular old day to day budget planning, i can do. is there a class for that? 

(i’m shooting for five, so i may start to reach a bit) if i get back into running, hiking, biking, kayaking, etc, that will be something i can build on. i love the idea of all of those things, and maybe the way to find an activity buddy is to do the activity, instead of vice versa. 

i’m a great planner- i can throw a good party, i can plan a vacation for the masses, and i can (obviously!) schedule my work week so that i have plenty of blogging time. i may not use this skill on my real life much (for example, please note the infinity times i planned to exercise i then decided to netflix instead), and i don’t have many friends to witness it, but i’m good. 

alright- i’m open to suggestions from the world at large, and until then i will be finding free or local classes for which i can register.

happy 2014!

November 4, 2013

soapbox

I just need a moment. I am in full support of just about all the rights. I don’t understand why anyone would NOT be- it’s just mean to tell people no for no reason. That said, I’m glad that the gay rights folks are stepping up and demanding that they be represented in commercials as well as have actual rights (marriage, non-discrimination…). BUT I have a hard time wrapping my head around why so. many. groups have fought for equality and there are still some that are invisible.
To be fair, I know that my work with people with disabilities has altered the way I see they world. I know that my work with mental illness and foster care has altered the way I see homeless people. But I don’t know why the gay/lesbian community is suddenly spot-lit to the extent of all others. When a company (Barilla, for example) says that they want to be diverse, they should mean diverse in regards to age, gender, sexual orientation, disability status, race, and all of the other things that are diverse about PEOPLE. And generally, when a conglomerate says that they value diversity, they are referring to only one teeny-tiny facet of diversity.

October 22, 2013

I mean….

I am reading one of my local e-news things…and I am really confused about what constitutes as “news.” I understand that my town is really into local everything- food, beer, art, music, people, you name it. However, apparently we have a shortage of local editors. Or journalists. I write about random stuff that I do around town, and I do it because I’m narcissistic and forgetful. These supposed news sources write about basically the same things, but with more names, and it’s news? No. 

It should be mentioned that I am grumpy because I’m cold and someone in my office is eating cat food for lunch, based on the smell. But I still feel I have a valid concern. If you are telling me things and calling it news, then I want to know about events and activities and the like, not what you ate for breakfast and with whom.

September 20, 2013

Rosemary + Olive Oil

As I am getting ready to pack for vacation, I have noticed a couple of things.

First of all, my dog is REALLY good about not eating my food when I put it down and walk away. I think this is probably because of the one time she ate a BBQ tempeh taco. Lesson learned!

Also, my obsessive list making and scheduling and planning and so on does not seem to carry over into travel. I mean, I’ve got plane tickets, a rental car, and hotel reservations, of course. But where usually I would have meals and activities planned, there is nothing. One concert and one postcard to be sent. My clothes that I am bringing? Actually just a haphazard pile of shirts that look like they still fit and the only 3 pairs of jeans I own. My goals for this trip are the same as they are for my life in general- find some beauty, listen to some music, have a few laughs. 

oh- and we’re going to see Big Gigantic, so obviously that’ll be awesome!

July 24, 2013

I have been mulling over my life and goals and future and other such nonsense recently. 

I have some work to do. I need to learn more about personal finance and get back into some sort of classes. I need to work on extending myself socially and physically. I need to get back in touch with my inner feminist and practice more random acts of kindness.

Luckily, I have the tools and the ability to do all of these things (barring a lack of motivation, of course). What is amazing to me, and should be amazing to everyone, is the people who, at first glance, DON’T have the physical/financial/all the other kinds of freedom that I have and are still able to DO. What we do isn’t necessarily important; it’s the intent that matters. And seeing servers and single mothers and people who are judged by “the societal majority” go out and do good and stay true to their inner beauty makes me feel both inadequate and inspired. 

So, today- what can I do?

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